Broken People

I've had a lot on my mind this past week...I feel like God's been really revealing himself in new ways, and I felt like I had to write it down in order to sort through my thoughts. I've been running into so many people lately who are going through such difficult struggles in their lives, and it's so hard for my human mind to understand how God's hand is at work in all of it, especially in my own situation where I can't see where God is leading me and I often feel like he's been silent when I've been crying out for him to speak. Well, this past week he's been speaking....not necessarily giving me the answers I want, but reassuring me that everything is going to work out in his time, all I need to do is trust him.

First off, I turned 25 last week. That sounds crazy. I can't believe it's been 3 years since college...and 7 years since high school. The thought of marking this milestone while being unemployed and completely unsure of where my life is headed is somewhat depressing, but celebrating such a milestone surrounded by so many great friends was a wonderful blessing. And how can I not be thankful for God's faithfulness for 25 years? Looking back on the first quarter century of my life, he's brought me through a lot, and if he's been faithful in the past, then surely I can trust him to be faithful in the future.

Also, yesterday was the first day of spring. The weather did not disappoint...it actually seemed more like summer. While spring isn't my favorite season, I do love seeing everything coming to life again. Spring just has that amazing feeling of hopefulness. It's a season of new beginnings. It's got me thinking about how people like to use the word 'season' in a spiritual sense when speaking of hardships or periods of waiting, probably because it implies that whatever the situation is, it won't last forever. Seasons always change....eventually. It's hard to remember that though when you've been in a season that's lasted far longer than you ever thought a season should. The thing about seasons in nature is that they come on a regular, predictable basis. Seasons in life don't work that way. Sometimes they last for years with no end in sight.

I guess that's how a broken world works though. Things don't go how you expect them to, or how they "should". Good people still suffer. People who try really hard still fail. We're all broken. At church we've been doing a sermon series on 2 Corinthians called "When Life Hurts", and we've been learning about how God can still use us in our brokenness. In fact God is able to use us even more powerfully through our weakness and our hardships. In chapter one it says, "Blessed be the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are afflicted." It doesn't mean that suffering is going to be fun, but at least for those who are in Christ, suffering is not worthless. Our afflictions allow us to be a blessing to others who are suffering.

Today the sermon was from chapter 4, and we discussed the same passage in Bible Study tonight, especially the part where it says, "We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." It's such a great analogy. We're clay pots...earthen vessels. On our own we're weak and cracked and broken. But we're filled with treasure! God uses broken, cracked, ugly clay pots in order to reveal his glory. The key to being a powerful witness for Christ is to be honest and open about our brokenness and invite others to witness God's power at work in us through our failures and shortcomings as he refines us and makes us more like himself. When we put up a front and try to pretend that we never struggle with sin or doubt because we want others to believe that we have it all together or we think we need to impress people by having everything figured out, that's when we become ineffective witnesses to the power of God. When we're living under a facade, all people can see is hypocrisy. It's such a comfort to me to know that it's okay to be broken, and to know that God can use me in my weaknesses and failures (which are many!). There's a song by the band Mute Math that I've been really drawn to lately because it speaks to this whole idea of wanting to appear like we've got it all together when in actuality nobody does. There's a line in the song that goes, "Sometimes I get tired of pins and needles. Facades are a fire on the skin. But I'm growing fond of broken people as I see that I am one of them." I just love that line because it's so true...everybody's trying to keep their facade together and make sure nobody sees how hurt and broken they are inside, but all the while what we really need is to just let the facade down and see the everyone else is broken too. We are meant to live in community and help each other through hardships, but how is that possible if nobody admits that they're suffering?

It seems like God often speaks to me through music...probably because I like it so much and listen to it all the time. I just love how songs can convey such universal truths. Sometimes they express exactly what I'm feeling or thinking in a much more eloquent, beautiful way than I could ever say it. In church this morning the band played a new song for us, and as I was listening I just thought, "This is exactly what I've been feeling lately!" I wanted to share it so that maybe it will minister to some of you reading this in the same way that it ministered to me. Plus it's just a beautiful song.

Dancing, Dessert, and Other Things

Well, it's been awhile since I last posted, so I thought it was time for another update about what's been going on in my life lately. I'm still unemployed unfortunately, which is getting pretty annoying, but I've been having too much fun keeping busy with other stuff to get too depressed about it. Plus I feel that at least for now I'm right where God wants me to be, so I'm just trying to stay focused on living for His glory and trusting that eventually He'll work out all the details.

One thing I've been keeping busy with lately is swing dancing, which I'm really loving. My friend Kristin and I have been taking lessons, so we're getting pretty good if I do say so myself. I'm excited to test out my new skills at my sister's wedding this summer!

I've also been getting involved with Seattle Against Slavery, which I think I may have mentioned before. This past Tuesday the International Justice Mission held a benefit dinner in Seattle, and a bunch of us who are involved with SAS hosted tables and invited our friends to come hear about the amazing work that IJM does and how SAS is working to support them and other organizations like them. My friend April and I co-hosted a table and got six of our good friends to join us. We all had a great evening and were very inspired by the stories that Gary Haugen (President and CEO of IJM) shared. It really got me fired up about wanting to do more to help the fight against human trafficking, and I've been praying that God would show me new ways to do so. If you haven't heard of IJM before, go check out their website (www.ijm.org) to learn about their work rescuing slaves. It's really amazing!

Well, I'm supposed to be spending this afternoon applying for jobs, so I guess I should get back to that. Though my friend Krista and I are in the preliminary brainstorming stages for opening a non-profit bakery/dessert shop, so if things take off with that, maybe I won't be looking for jobs too much longer. :-) We'd be happy to hear from any of you out there who have experience with starting a small business or who have extra cash lying around that we could use to get started!

Hello again

I don't have too much news to share, but I did want to write about last weekend. I flew to Chicago on Friday the 5th, and Kristin and I drove to GR together, picked up Amanda and George from Calvin, and then drove over to our parents' house to surprise Mom for her 50th and birthday. And boy was she surprised! We had a great time hanging out as a family. We played games, went out for dinner, went to see the ice at Lake Michigan, went shopping, etc. It was a blast! My mom joked that we probably wouldn't be able to come up with anything to top this for her 60th birthday, but we've got 10 years to think about it, so I'm sure we'll come up with something.

I was in GR for 5 days, and in addition to spending time with my family, I got to see many of my amazing Michigan friends. My mom asked me while I was home whether I had more fun with my Michigan friends or my Washington friends, and there's really no way to compare since they're all so awesome, but it did make me think how grateful I am to have such good friends that still get along after so many years and so many miles between us. How many people have friends from junior high, high school, and college who throw parties for them every time they're in town? I'm really blessed.

And now I think I'll go watch the Olympics. I'm not completely addicted yet, but I might be close. Go USA!

It's December!

I can't believe it's December already! It sort of sneaked up on me. It doesn't seem like a year ago that I was anticipating my internship with EMI. I guess a lot has happened since then, but at the same time, it seems like it was just recently that I was planning my move to Colorado. Somebody told me once that time goes twice as fast after you turn 25, which means this coming year will seem even shorter than this one did. Crazy. Anyway, lots has happened this year. I hope you've all enjoyed reading about it!

So, since it's December now, I've been getting psyched for Christmas to come soon. Many of neighbors have put up ridiculous amounts of Christmas lights, and I've done my part by busting out every Christmas CD I own. (Or at least every one I could find that's not packed away in a box in the Teagues' garage!) Two weeks from today I'll be on my way to Michigan to spend the Holidays with my family! I can't wait! Plus I get to see lots of old friends and go to Pete and Amy's wedding, so I'm certain it will be a fun trip.

Speaking of weddings, over the Thanksgiving weekend, my sister Kristin and my former roomie Elizabeth both got engaged! Those two plus my friend Krista who got engaged a couple months ago make three weddings this summer that I will be in. My wedding preparation skills should be honed to perfection by next September!

Speaking of Thanksgiving, (I'm doing a good job with transitions in this post, huh?) I had an excellent long weekend hanging out with friends -- Elizabeth came to visit for a couple days, her engagement actually occured when her boyfriend picked her up at the airport on her return trip to Idaho. I hosted Thanksgiving dinner at my place for some of my amazing friends. We made so much food it was ridiculous! Apparently it takes more than 6 people to eat a 17lb turkey with stuffing, 10lbs of potatoes, cornbread, rolls, asparagus, corn, peas, fruit salad, olives, 2 pies, icecream, and a cake. Not that I'm complaining, I love Thanksgiving leftovers! I spent the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving helping my friend Krista with wedding planning stuff. We went wedding dress shopping and reception decoration shopping (at Ikea -- I love that store!). This past Sunday, I shared my pictures of my EMI trip to Africa with some families from my Community Group. The kids were especially interested, asking lots of great questions about the culture and the people, and it was really fun to sort of relive that experience. Did I mention that I can't believe it's been a year since I first found out I was going to get to be a part of that?


ps- I used 10 exclamation points in this post. Miss Herrema would be horrified.



pss- Miss Herrema was my junior high English teacher for those who don't know. She believed that everyone should only be allowed to use 3 exclamation points in their whole life. She claimed she still had one left.

Here Comes the Rain

Another quick update for those of you that I haven't talked to in awhile. First of all, as the title of this post implies, it's begun raining here. This being Seattle, it could quite possibly be 8 months before we see the sun again. :( It has been a pretty nice fall so far though, so I can't complain too much. The leaves are changing color and it looks quite pretty. And I've been getting up early to go running lately so I get to see the sun rise behind the mountains which is absolutely beautiful.

I'm also doing much better emotionally now than I was when I last posted. I still sometimes think about something Jared and I did together or something funny he told me and I start to get sad again, but for the most part, I'm doing okay and trusting God that he has something (or someone) even better in store for me. I have discovered one benefit (if it can be called a benefit??) of a broken heart....there's a lot of songs my ipod that I've always liked, but never been able to relate to before. Now suddenly all these songs about breaking up and lost love are really meaningful to me. It's kind of crazy to see how universal emotions are. I have also discovered however, that listening to these songs while driving is not a good idea as it is hard to see the road when one is crying....

I've been pretty busy the past couple weeks -- volunteering at Habitat for Humanity and the Monroe Public library, getting involved in various things at my church, spending a lot of time with my really awesome and supportive friends, and of course continuing to search for a job. So far I haven't made much more progress toward finding one, but the economy can't stay bad forever, right? Tonight I start my Spanish class at Cascadia CC and on Friday my parents are coming to visit, so I'm pretty excited about that!

Hope you're all doing well!

Life goes on....

Not sure how many people are still reading this thing, but for those who are, I thought it was time for another update. As many of you may have already heard, Jared broke up with me a week ago. Still not sure I understand why that had to happen, and I've been going back and forth between being angry and being depressed. I think the main issue was that I wanted to talk about getting married, and he wasn't ready. We had a really good time in MN, and his family was super nice and fun, so I was pretty surprised when 4 days later he didn't want to see me anymore. So yeah, that sucks, but I'm trying to move on.....

I haven't found a job yet either, but I'm hoping the economy will turn around soon. In the meantime I'm trying to stay busy with other things. I joined a Bible study at my church that's really great so far, and I registered for a Spanish class at the community college nearby. Oh, and the new living situation is going really well. The Teagues are awesome, and it's nice to have people around rather than living all alone, especially since I've been feeling a little lonely this past week.

That's about all the news for now. It's definitely turning into fall here in WA. It's been a lot cooler lately, and it's starting to rain more often. Today is actually pretty sunny though (although still cold) which is nice since I'm planning to spend the afternoon in Leavenworth (a Bavarian style town on the other side of the mountains) with a couple friends. They're having Oktoberfest there now so it could be a little crazy.....

Moving

Hey, thought I should write a quick update to let everyone know that I moved this past weekend. Elizabeth moved to Idaho over Labor Day weekend, and this past Saturday I hauled all of my stuff to my new room. (With some help from Jared and my friends Krista and Larry...thanks guys!) I decided to live with the Teagues (a family who goes to my church) at least until I find a job. Anyway, the move went well, and so far I really like it here.

Speaking of finding a job....it's not going too well. I'm having a hard time finding places that are actually hiring and even a harder time finding places that are hiring for a job that actually sounds like something I would enjoy. I had an interview a few weeks ago that I'm still waiting to hear about. They're waiting for a few projects to come through before they actually hire, so I don't know how long I'll have to wait to find out. At least I'm still in the running, so hopefully these projects will come through soon and maybe I'll have a chance of getting hired there.

In other news, on Thursday Jared and I are leaving to go visit his family in Minnesota! I've never met any of them before, so I'm really looking forward to it. Plus Jared is constantly talking about all the fun stuff to do on his parents' mini-farm, so it should be a good time.