Broken People

I've had a lot on my mind this past week...I feel like God's been really revealing himself in new ways, and I felt like I had to write it down in order to sort through my thoughts. I've been running into so many people lately who are going through such difficult struggles in their lives, and it's so hard for my human mind to understand how God's hand is at work in all of it, especially in my own situation where I can't see where God is leading me and I often feel like he's been silent when I've been crying out for him to speak. Well, this past week he's been speaking....not necessarily giving me the answers I want, but reassuring me that everything is going to work out in his time, all I need to do is trust him.

First off, I turned 25 last week. That sounds crazy. I can't believe it's been 3 years since college...and 7 years since high school. The thought of marking this milestone while being unemployed and completely unsure of where my life is headed is somewhat depressing, but celebrating such a milestone surrounded by so many great friends was a wonderful blessing. And how can I not be thankful for God's faithfulness for 25 years? Looking back on the first quarter century of my life, he's brought me through a lot, and if he's been faithful in the past, then surely I can trust him to be faithful in the future.

Also, yesterday was the first day of spring. The weather did not disappoint...it actually seemed more like summer. While spring isn't my favorite season, I do love seeing everything coming to life again. Spring just has that amazing feeling of hopefulness. It's a season of new beginnings. It's got me thinking about how people like to use the word 'season' in a spiritual sense when speaking of hardships or periods of waiting, probably because it implies that whatever the situation is, it won't last forever. Seasons always change....eventually. It's hard to remember that though when you've been in a season that's lasted far longer than you ever thought a season should. The thing about seasons in nature is that they come on a regular, predictable basis. Seasons in life don't work that way. Sometimes they last for years with no end in sight.

I guess that's how a broken world works though. Things don't go how you expect them to, or how they "should". Good people still suffer. People who try really hard still fail. We're all broken. At church we've been doing a sermon series on 2 Corinthians called "When Life Hurts", and we've been learning about how God can still use us in our brokenness. In fact God is able to use us even more powerfully through our weakness and our hardships. In chapter one it says, "Blessed be the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are afflicted." It doesn't mean that suffering is going to be fun, but at least for those who are in Christ, suffering is not worthless. Our afflictions allow us to be a blessing to others who are suffering.

Today the sermon was from chapter 4, and we discussed the same passage in Bible Study tonight, especially the part where it says, "We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." It's such a great analogy. We're clay pots...earthen vessels. On our own we're weak and cracked and broken. But we're filled with treasure! God uses broken, cracked, ugly clay pots in order to reveal his glory. The key to being a powerful witness for Christ is to be honest and open about our brokenness and invite others to witness God's power at work in us through our failures and shortcomings as he refines us and makes us more like himself. When we put up a front and try to pretend that we never struggle with sin or doubt because we want others to believe that we have it all together or we think we need to impress people by having everything figured out, that's when we become ineffective witnesses to the power of God. When we're living under a facade, all people can see is hypocrisy. It's such a comfort to me to know that it's okay to be broken, and to know that God can use me in my weaknesses and failures (which are many!). There's a song by the band Mute Math that I've been really drawn to lately because it speaks to this whole idea of wanting to appear like we've got it all together when in actuality nobody does. There's a line in the song that goes, "Sometimes I get tired of pins and needles. Facades are a fire on the skin. But I'm growing fond of broken people as I see that I am one of them." I just love that line because it's so true...everybody's trying to keep their facade together and make sure nobody sees how hurt and broken they are inside, but all the while what we really need is to just let the facade down and see the everyone else is broken too. We are meant to live in community and help each other through hardships, but how is that possible if nobody admits that they're suffering?

It seems like God often speaks to me through music...probably because I like it so much and listen to it all the time. I just love how songs can convey such universal truths. Sometimes they express exactly what I'm feeling or thinking in a much more eloquent, beautiful way than I could ever say it. In church this morning the band played a new song for us, and as I was listening I just thought, "This is exactly what I've been feeling lately!" I wanted to share it so that maybe it will minister to some of you reading this in the same way that it ministered to me. Plus it's just a beautiful song.

Dancing, Dessert, and Other Things

Well, it's been awhile since I last posted, so I thought it was time for another update about what's been going on in my life lately. I'm still unemployed unfortunately, which is getting pretty annoying, but I've been having too much fun keeping busy with other stuff to get too depressed about it. Plus I feel that at least for now I'm right where God wants me to be, so I'm just trying to stay focused on living for His glory and trusting that eventually He'll work out all the details.

One thing I've been keeping busy with lately is swing dancing, which I'm really loving. My friend Kristin and I have been taking lessons, so we're getting pretty good if I do say so myself. I'm excited to test out my new skills at my sister's wedding this summer!

I've also been getting involved with Seattle Against Slavery, which I think I may have mentioned before. This past Tuesday the International Justice Mission held a benefit dinner in Seattle, and a bunch of us who are involved with SAS hosted tables and invited our friends to come hear about the amazing work that IJM does and how SAS is working to support them and other organizations like them. My friend April and I co-hosted a table and got six of our good friends to join us. We all had a great evening and were very inspired by the stories that Gary Haugen (President and CEO of IJM) shared. It really got me fired up about wanting to do more to help the fight against human trafficking, and I've been praying that God would show me new ways to do so. If you haven't heard of IJM before, go check out their website (www.ijm.org) to learn about their work rescuing slaves. It's really amazing!

Well, I'm supposed to be spending this afternoon applying for jobs, so I guess I should get back to that. Though my friend Krista and I are in the preliminary brainstorming stages for opening a non-profit bakery/dessert shop, so if things take off with that, maybe I won't be looking for jobs too much longer. :-) We'd be happy to hear from any of you out there who have experience with starting a small business or who have extra cash lying around that we could use to get started!